Totally Opposite
by Matt Bookman
Summary: Matt Y., a wallflower, who tries to befriend with an outgoing and popular guy. Both of them are complete opposites, but will their differences get in their way to get along and confirm the meaning 'Opposites attract?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: The meet**

Have you ever felt like your mind was blank, whenever you were about to do any sort of activity? Even whenever you were about to wake up from a 6 to 9 hours of sleep? Or in some cases, whenever you cannot sleep nor not enough and stared at your own personalized computer? What is on our mind? What is in mine? And who's 'we'? It will make more sense, if we start from the beginning.

I was returning to my home country from 1 month of working abroad. Not exactly a great accomplishment, however, it is better to be back home than spending money at hotels and gospels for who knows how long, without knowing when you may get another place to work at. If you were wondering what was I working as, I was doing a farmer's job. Harvesting vegetables and fruits. Strawberries, to be exact.

It turned out that the job was easy, only if you did it during your free time and without a timeline hanging on your back. On the bright side, I managed to get same amount of payment that I gave for the plane ticket. Except for the application and the medical check-up, no refund for those, even if you were the president.

Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. How impolite of me. My name is Matt Y.

You're not yet privileged to learn my last name, not until you are finished reading my story. I dare you, hahaha.

What can I say about the town where I live at? One word: a town. You want pictures or knowledge about the century monuments, culture, its population and such, I suggest you to google it all by yourselves, because this is not a history subject, where 95% of teenage brains in a room would ignore and miracilously, passing the matriculation.

What was I doing during my free time? You'll learn that bit by bit, from time to time.

Right now, I would like to tell you the story about how I met...someone that I didn't know it was possible to exist. And no, its not the cast of 'Friends' nor the cast of 'Deadpool' ,unfortunately.

I was at a salesman-consultant course, which helped me only in small details. It was like trying to learn to communicate with customers against your will. Why against your will? Because who in their mind wanted to talk to mediocre customers, which most of them were dissatisfied,snob,unreasonable and my favourite: stupid. I was a trainee at a furniture store. Granted, I was not a valedictorian, I too had flaws, but I would never be that customer, who asks for details about one lousy outdoor lamp. What is there to ask about? You can read all about it on the box. It goes on and off. That's it. Finish. Move on.

My part-time job was to sort things out and fill up empty spaces on the shelves, reducing prices to reasonable amount, giving directions around the store and be the clerk, if necessary. Do not ask me about my social life, because that was a mistery to me as well. I wouldn't say that I was anti-social, its just not easy. I was shy, awkward and unpopular guy. In other words: a wallflower.

Relatives aside, it was difficult for me to make friends. To make a friend.

During work, I was carrying a heavy, expensive carpet to the other side of the store for a nice presentation, which was successful. One of the managers gave me the task to hang the carpet on the cords,like a display model. As I noticed, the cords were about 8 feet high and almost invisible to a human eye. If you observed from afar, you could see the carpet was hanging in the air vertically, as it express its beautiful, color-oriented and well-tailored patterns. As I was on a step ladder,staring at the material, feeling happy that I did the job properly, I was unaware that my weight was getting heavier by standing on it longer than 10 minutes. And yes, I was counting. Without hesitation, I was going down step by step. In the middle of it, I stumbled and was losing my balance. One of the trainees held the ladder quickly, but it was too late for me to react and I fell down on my back, the back of my head hit the tiled floor and lost consciousness as my vision goes dark and blank. Last thing I heard was the customers' gasps of shock and murmurs.

I slowly opened my eyes an hour later, at least I think it was an hour later. As I was gaining my consciousness back, sat up and realized, I was at the break room of the store, still had my uniform on,laid down on an old mattress, that was used by us employees, to sit down and relax. Before I asked myself out loud what was I doing here, someone walked in, saw me I was awake and approached toward me.

'Hey,how are you feeling? Any permanent damage?' He asked as he looked at me with confidence, but he was also neutral. I was surprised that it was him. I was speechless. Ryan C. He was the most popular, attractive, responsible and mature young man.

'I'm all right..still sore, but I'll live.' I rubbed the back of my head, felt a bump , but my hair managed to hide it. I was feeling a bit nervous when I noticed he was looking at me from his spot.

'You have to be more careful, you know. Not only it was dangerous, but also brought everyone's unnecessary attention.' He looked at me sternly. It was hard for me to read him. Was he concern or not? Before I could defend myself, one of the managers appeared by the door.

'Guys, we got work to do. Matt, you go home and rest. You can come back on Monday.' He looked toward Ryan. 'Ryan, a customer needs your attention.' After that, he left and it was just me and Ryan in the break room.

'Go home and rest, man. And be more careful next time.' After that, Ryan also left the room and it was just me in there, feeling embarrassed and sore on the head.

Without saying a word, wore my casual clothes and went home for the day. But there was one thing that still wasn't clear: Who took care of me while I was unconscious? Was it Ryan? Or one of the other employees that were too busy with work to check up on me?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The Debt**

Are you familiar with the feeling how you have to pay for everything around where you live at? No, I'm not talking about living at your parents' house. When you are at another country, you have to think about rent, taxes, food, phone privileges, making new friends to hang out with, new places to see and the list goes on. When you've been laid off or you decided that the job is not the one you wanted any longer, you get two choices: Either you go back home for some time off and relax, or you can check up to your next desired destination. However, there will always be a debt to pay, regardless of where you are...and it doesn't always includes money. And no, I also didn't meant to go out there to be an escort for 200 bucks an hour, you dirty-minded person. Hahaha!

As I was recovering from the head bump, I was having my normal day at home: eating,playing,watching and sleeping. Not always in that order. Its an old news for everyone,really. However, I wanted to go outside and change the scenery a bit, expecting the unexpected. I've invited my best friend, Maria, to come for a visit. Before she comes, you should know, she is different and very fun person to hang out with. She is independent, strong and a supportive person. We've known each other since we were little. Oh, why ruin the surprise? You can see it yourself.

I cleaned the house, so it won't look like I was living in a slump and preparing the coffee and some sweets. As I was about to pour the hot water on the cups, a familiar voice interrupted me.

'Stop right there!' I startled a bit when I heard Maria's voice, not because it sounded like a thread. 'You know our rule: No coffee before whisky.' she sounded serious. 'Its not even noon yet.' I was confused about the idea of her having a whisky before coffee, especially in the morning. 'What's your point?' I laughed at her comment. I knew better not to argue with her, so I just poured to a glass some whisky and hand it to her.

I was enjoying my first cofffee of the day and I start to explain to her about what happened yesterday at work. She was surprised about my accident, but reliefed at the end as there was no permanent damage.

'I gained consciousness soon enough and I found myself laying at the break room. Few minutes later, he...walked in. I think..he was checking up on me, to make sure I was okay.' I couldn't help myself but smiling as I think about it. '...it was Ryan, wasn't it?' I was surprised at her sudden guess. I was blushing a bit red as I drink my coffee quietly, trying to calm myself down. She smiled at my reaction and just enjoys to tease. She was familiar about me liking guys. More precisely, Ryan.

'Matt, do not leave a single detail and tell me everything. Did he carried you, held you, kissed you? OH MY GOSH, DID HE KISSED YOU?!' I forgot that she also was a big fangirl about BL stories.

'Maria, as much as I'd be happy to tell you everything, that's all I remember. I was unconscious, I don't even know who carried me out of the store or anything else after that. And I already told you before, Ryan is straight and he even has a girlfriend.' It was true, Ryan was straight, what I feel toward him was a platonic crush. And if you were wondering, no, I didn't confess to him. Honestly, I don't even think he knows about me liking guys.

'That may be true, but I don't think he's virgin either. Its 21st century, there are straight guys that are bi-curious nowadays, just to clarify whether they find it okay or not. Look at me for example: Before I start working and having my own apartment to look after, I never thought of myself that I could be into girls as well. I'm sure he is the same way.'

'Be as it may,Maria, but not everyone are like us. Look, I know I'm not clairvoyant, but I'm positive that he is a good old-fashioned straight man, no matter what everyone says. I'm also pretty sure that he barely remembers me, regardless at work or elsewhere.'

We were talking for an hour as we trying to make a point about who could be the person who helped me at the store. Frankly, its no big deal, anyone with a humanity could've helped me out, but the reason I needed to find out was, because I want to pay my debt for such kindness. To these years, it is hard to trust to anyone.

'I bet my bottom dollar that it was Ryan, you should repay him somehow.' Maria was quite enthusiastic and sometimes, too optimistic.

'Maria T. Vasquez, you either have a drone, flying around the store to spy around, or you're getting too ahead of yourself. Look, on Monday, I will go back to work, some of the employees may or may not congratulate me for recovery, but I'll just go back there and have a casual working day. And as for Ryan or whoever helped me out there, I'll take care of it.'

After all said and done, part of me wished it was Ryan. Its not like he was expecting anything from me at all. I can feel how all of you would think of me right now: Obsessed, self-involved, making big deal out of small things, overthinking pretty much everything. And you're not wrong. But if you still wish to keep up with me, you won't be any better either.

Maria was sighing in defeat, as she tried to convince me. You don't know her quite well yet, but she has some hidden talents that even I can't convince you to believe.

As it was time to call for the night, I was getting ready to go to bed and hoping the next day would better. I got a call on my cellphone. The number was unknown, so I answered. 'Hello?'

'...Matt? Its me,Ryan.'

I was taken by surprise that I got a call from him. We known each other since the course, but he never made any contact with me, even at work. 'Ryan?..Hey,good evening. What's going on?'

'...Can we talk? I need your help with something important.'


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: The Gift**

I enjoy picking up the perfect gift for everyone. However, I'm having difficult time to decide what's the best gift for me...even if I deserved one. I stopped asking for gifts ever since I was 16 years old. I'm not a petty, snob, immature rich boy to get whatever I want and then brag about my brand new Porsche, Mercedes, Lamborghini and Maserati to some pretentious fake friends. To me, even a small gift,that has an ugly shirt inside, is thoughtful. As long as its from a real friend.

The next morning, I got up, got ready and headed to meet with Ryan. He told me last night to meet him at the coffee shop called 'First Sip', about 20 minutes away from my home. I was curious and nervous about why Ryan wanted to meet with me, aside from work. Honestly, this is the first he ever made contact with me.

I arrived and looked around. The shop was open, but there was no sight of him yet. I sat down to the nearest table for two and kept waiting. I looked around and kept waiting for about half hour and there was still no sign of Ryan. Did he forget all about it? I was feeling bad that I might've been tricked, so I decided to leave. Just about to get up, I noticed Ryan running from few meters ahead toward me, as if he realized he was late. He stopped before me and was trying to catch his breath as he seemed to be sweating a bit.

'Matt...I'm sorry...for being late...' He was trying to speak as he inhales and exhales for air.

'I thought you forgot all about it and decided to leave. Sit down, did you ran all the way here?'

'The bus stopped halfway and I had to come here as soon as possible.'

'You could've text or call to warn me.'

'My phone is at home. I forgot to get it as I was in a hurry to get here.'

We sat down and ordered 2 coffees. As the waitress left to get the order, we both were sitting at the table, quitely, for about a minute. Wondering, which one of us was going to break the silence.

'How are you feeling, Matt? Still sore?' It seems Ryan wanted to start the conversation before it could get more awkward than it was before.

'I'm fine, slight bump, but it will be gone before you know it. And I'm sure that's not the only reason you asked me to come here for, isn't it?

'No, there's more. I need your help with something...and I don't know anyone else, that I can trust with a request like this.' He was hesitating, but didn't looked nervous. More like having hard time to say it out loud. ' I'm having trouble to pick a nice gift for someone and..I'm not good at it and its not really my thing..however, this person is important for me and...'

I politely interrupted him, making sure I was understanding what he was trying to say. 'For your girlfriend?'

'Girlfriend? No, no. We broke up 2 weeks ago, we were completely different. I tried to make the relationship stronger, while she was just making selfie pictures and bragging about how pretty she is. I was just a furniture to her and it didn't worked out.'

'Oh..I'm sorry.'

'Don't be. It wasn't meant to be. So..will you help me?'

'What exactly are we talking about here? Birthday,anniversary,romantic gesture..'

'Birthday gift for a friend of mine. His birthday is next week.'

'He?' I chuckled and teased him a bit. 'Is it something I should know?'

'Don't get the wrong idea. He's my best friend.'

'Oh, believe me, I'm not getting any wrong ideas. Its all right from my perspective.' I laughed a little and he smiled as also was a bit embarrassed.

'Are you gonna help me or are you going to tease me until we drug ourselves with caffeine?

'I can do both. Hahaha!' I agreed to help him with gift finding quest.

'What kind of gift are we looking anyway?'

'He is a gamer, he reads anything that doesn't looks like literature or history, the sports he participate in are bike riding, tennis, volleyball...and he's an acid fan of 'Game Of Thrones'. '

'That is so uncanny. He seems to have pretty much same traits like I do. Well, what's your price limit for the gift?' I asked with curiosity and he was checking his wallet.

'Around..200 bucks.'

'200 bucks? With that money, you can buy him an escort.' I joked, but frankly, this is not USA for a suggestion like that.

'Well, I'm sure that would just scream Happy Birthday, but he has an exceptional taste.'

'Like what? Blonde or Brunnette?'

'Men.'

'Oh...OH! You're serious.' I was surprised that he even had a friend like that. Scratch that, a best friend like that. However, I did noticed that he slightly was feeling uncomfortable about it.

'Look, I know its weird, but he is still my best friend, no matter what he does.'

'There is nothing weird about it at all. But why you asked me to find a gift for your friend?'

'Who else knows a great gift for a gay guy better than another gay guy?' He looked at me like he knew that I was gay, even though I haven't told anyone at work about me, which now made me wonder how many others knew about me.

'You mean..you knew about me?'

'It was easy. I noticed how you were checking out from distant the male customers. And you were nervous to sit around us during lunch breaks, instead, you sat down outside by yourself.' As he was analyzing my moves, I was off guard and end up flustering from embarrassment.

'Okay, okay. I got it. You know.'

'If it makes you feel better, I won't tell anyone about you.'

'Oh, I don't care if you do. I just don't talk about my social life so often.' I collected myself and clapped my hands together, so we can get to the point. 'So, a gift for your best friend up to 200 bucks. I managed to narrow it down to 2 shops that has pretty much everything you need. There is a Tech shop ,called 'Tech Geek', just 5 minutes away from here. And also, a comic book store 'Nerd Cave', coincidentally, is right next to the tech shop. They have all sort of merchandises in there.'

As we paid for our drinks, we went to the tech store first. I'm sure what we all know what you could find, literally, anything with a plug. And according to the rumors, that includes vibrators. Don't ask. I never met any of his friends, although, this guy seem to have same features as me. Coincidence?

'How about we buy something up to 100 and the other half goes for the other store? That way, you won't have to worry about which other could've been better.' Thought it would be easier that way and he agreed to it. Best thing you can buy for a gamer at a tech shop would be stuff like video games and board games. Its not a rocket science.

We went to the comic book store next, and no matter how small it looks from outside, inside, is like a library hall. You can get lost easily, if you can't remember the places you passed by. Most of the merchandise were original and expensive, one would think they are just there for decoration and not for an auction. We managed to find something that caught our eye: A whole set of 'Game Of Thrones' figures. And lucky for us, it was the last box and oonly 99.99$. We left the store and took a break at the nearest bench to rest and to checking the products.

'Witcher 3,Assassin's Creed: Origin,Tekken 7 CDs here,Dead of Winter board game here and 'Game of Thrones' figure set, check. I guess that's all of it.' I handed the bag to Ryan after a recount.

'He must be very lucky to have a best friend like you. Especially when you can afford to buy all these.'

'After what he did for me, 200 bucks is not even close for it. Thank you for helping me out,Matt. You are a good man.'  
I smiled at his gesture and nodded quietly.

'...I guess I should go now. I still have some things that need to be done.'

I got up and taking my leave, but I was stopped as I felt a grip on my wrist. I looked down and notcied it was Ryan's hand that stopped me from leaving. I looked at him in confusion.

'Matt..would you like to come with me to the party?'


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: The Rescue**

During my younger years, I dreamt to be someone that manage to help people, not as a superhero, more like, giving them an extra hand to help with small tasks and earning a small grains of trust. In those days, that's like earning a coin to buy yourself a candy, and now, even you help with small tasks, those small grains of trust are hard to come by. Not impossible, but hard. Trust comes in both ways, when one is opening up to you..respect the gesture. -M.Y.

I wasn't showing it, but within, I was surprised that he invited me to any of his friends' parties. I gently got myself free from his grip and looked at him as I hesitated a bit.

'Really? But I don't know any of your friends..and I don't want to make you feel like you'll have to keep an eye on me.'

'So? You can meet people to hang out with. For example,Kyle, that's the birthday boy,by the way, would like to meet someone that shares the same traits as him. Come on, it will be fun. And its the least I can do since you helped me with the gifts.'

'...well, I guess I can try something different...but can I also invite a friend with me? If that's all right?'

'No problem, invite as many as you like. The party is tonight at 8:00 PM. See you there'

With that, he left with the gifts we picked up and I went home and explaining about the whole day to Maria.

' ! WE ARE GOING TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY?!' She was more excited than me, she doesn't even care if she disturbs the neighbours with her loud voice. The only thing she didn't do so far was a victory dance. That dance was a congo dance. Its not pretty, if you can't relax your body.

'Maria, you're more pumped about this more than me, like that time when you got your first tramp stamp.'

'And like my tramp stamp, we both will go partying all night. While I enjoy dancing and drinking,it also will be your opportunity to confess to Ryan about how you feel about him.'

'I don't want to get your and your tramp stamp's hopes up, but you do remember that he is not like me,right?'

'And you do remember what I told you about bi-curiosity,right?'

We were pulling each other's hair, not literally, over something so ridiculous like that, it makes us wonder how we can stand each other. She is the most confident and aggressive type,yet independent and comforting. Me, however, I've been playing safe, I could never bring myself to make the first step, believe me, I tried so many times. It gets me to thinking, was I the rock or the balloon in our friendship?

'Maria, didn't you heard me when I told you? His best friend is gay, Ryan still respects him, but from what he told me, he would never try things like that with other guys. Imagine how uncomfortable would be when I confessed to him? What if he avoids me? Or I get hurt?...I don't want that to happen...not again.'

My first confession was when I was at high school, 2 months before the prom night. Me and one guy went to a secluded place and confessed my feelings to him. My heart was beating rapidly out of my chest, but the feelings I kept inside me were hurting me. When I finally came out to him, he was surprised. He got uncomfortable, he rejected me, left me alone there, on the spot and when I came back to class, some of the guys there learned about me from him and were mocking me and making gestures like I was not okay in my head. Called me words and cursing me. He blabbed to everyone he knew at school and I felt like I was all alone, I had no shoulder to cry on. After school hours, 3 guys from upper classes heard about me and they beated me up, left me with bruises and wounds at the alley. I was barely conscious from the pain, not just from the beating.

As I came back to the present day, Maria looked at me with concern and sympathy. She wasn't there for me at the time, because she was not at the same country as I was. But knowing that I can count on her for support and occassionally, my fighting partner, we can get through almost anything.

'Matt, I know what you've been through. You told me with every detail so carefully, it felt like I was watching the film of the whole scene in black and white. I also felt awful that it was a bad timing and couldn't come to help you back then. But I promise you, to this day, I got your back and you got mine.'

'...Thanks, Maria. I feel less nervous and scared to hear that.'

'Good. Now that we worked this out..' She got up , strikes a pose and points to the living room porudly. 'Its time to get our best outfits on. We have to look mysterious. In a spontaneous way.'

I was looking at her dully, but I did agreed about finding the perfect outfit.

As the time almost strikes 8:00 PM, we arrived and knocks on the door, waiting for a response and hoping to get in. The door got opened and we were greeted by Ryan.

'Hey, Matt. You are here just in time.' He looked and noticed Maria behind me. He let them in.

'Thanks, Ryan. This is my best friend, Maria.'

'Its very nice to meet you.' He offered his hand to shake hers. She responds politely.

'Likewise. Thank you for inviting us.'

'I should be the one who should thank you for coming. The food table inside. Mingle. Kyle will be here soon, he says that he was on his way from a bowling tournament.'

'I don't remember telling me he plays bowling.'

'That's because him playing bowling on his phone is not a real sport. So he decided try the physical kind. Today.'

After that, he went ahead to check on the others. Me and Maria were checking the goodies. Its not like partying at a rich kid's mansion, but this was as much as fancy. There were about dozens of invited young adults were here. Half of them dancing on the dance floor, the other half were hanging out near the food table.

I noticed that Maria stared at her weakness: the dance floor.

Her second weakness: People on the dance floor.

She looked at me with those big doe eyes.

'...Fine, its not like I can stop you either way.'

She jolted up and danced her way to the dance floor and enjoying life, as for me, I stayed by myself at the food table and observing.

Kyle arrived as he parked his car at the frontyard of his house, greets Ryan with a bro hug and with their secret bro handshake.

'Wow,Ryan, I knew you told me to leave the house to you to surprise me, but you never mentioned that it would go off the roof. Just listen to that music and laughs, its almost like Vegas.'

'Kyle, stop analyzing everything and get in already. And besides, I want to introduce you to someone. I'm positive that you two have things in common.'

'Ryan, you know I can get my own dates.'

'And I couldn't care any less if you had orgies. Now come on.'

I was turning around to look at the food table to pick something nice to drink and eat. Unaware that Ryan and Kyle were approaching me.

'Matt, we are here.'

'Hey, nice to meet-' I turned around and I was speechless as I met the birthday boy.

Kyle also looked surprised. 'Matt..?...Matt Y-'

'KYLE? KYLE DEGRASSI?!'

Ryan was surprised and confused at our reaction. Maria heard was voice and came over to us.

'Matt, what's wrong?'

I glared at Kyle with anger and sadness in a same time, I was afraid to say soemthing I'd regret.

'Maria...this is Kyle Degrassi...the guy who rejected me...the one that I confessed my feelings to at high school...that rat me out to everyone...and got beat up for it!'

I grabbed my glass of orange punch and spilled my drink all over him and left the building as soon as possible.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: The Pain**

50% of general emotion of one person is pain. The other half is all hope. Hope for happiness, reconciliation, love, faith and so on and on. They say that pain is good, that its a power, and they are right. How are you using that power though is debatable. If you want to hurt someone, the way they hurted you, then how are you any different? -M.Y.

Kyle was soaked in orange punch. Normally, he was hot-tempered and aggressive, but he wasn't retaliating this time. Instead, he was surprised and full of regret as his old memories finally catching up to him. He looked at everyone that noticed the scene, cleared his throat and posture.

'Please, go on with the party. Show's over.'

Maria ran outside to find Matt. He left the building, but not the property. Matt was sitting at the gazebo, which was at the backyard, far away from the house. He didn't wanted to face anyone to reveal his face, he was feeling the same pain he felt years ago.

'Matt-'

'I'm fine...I just...want to be alone,Maria.'

'Why didn't you told me that it was his birthday?'

'What? You think if I knew it was HIS birthday and I'D COME?'

'...and you didn't get suspicious when Ryan mentioned his name?'

'Of all the Kyles in the world, I picked the worse one. I just want to get the hell out of here...but I told Ryan that I'd come.'

'Its not worth it, if you feel hurt to see your ex. Your pompous, immature, despicable-'

Ryan cleared his throat to show sign that he is here and can hear them. Maria stopped, but that wouldn't stop her to continue to say out loud her thoughts. Ryan asked Maria to bring us glasses of water. Without saying anything, she nodded and went inside. Ryan sat down next to Matt,looked up at the sky, trying to tread lightly.

'I'm sorry, Matt. I didn't know about you two's history-'

'History,my foot! That jerk not only blabbed about my sexuality, he is a hypocrite! He bad-mouthed me to everyone at school, and while he had his feet up on his desk, the day after the break up,every day after school hours, I was fearing for my life, because someone or some people would jump on me and beat the crap out of me for being gay! How is that fair? He's respected, but I'm beated to pulp? He had his friends to comfort him, while I was crying for mercy and help. HE REJECTED ME, BUT I'M THE ONE WHO GOT ALMOST KILLED!'

Ryan didn't said a thing. He couldn't. Ryan never heard this from Kyle before. Nor he never saw Matt this upset. He silently moved closer and hugged Matt to comfort him. Matt was hurting as hot tears were running down his cheeks and resting his head on Ryan's shoulder. He just kept rubbing Matt's back to calm him down.

'Its the past, I know...but I cannot let it go. I can't forgive him...I could've lived with his rejection, I could've moved on...but why did I deserve such assault on his behalf? What did I do wrong? Didn't he cared about me at all?...'

'Matt..I think you should go home and rest. I worry about you two may start another scene...'

'Please...I do want to go home...I can't face him...'

'I'll get the car ready.'

'No, don't. I will walk my way home.'

'What a bout Maria?'

'She is an party-animal. I don't want to make her guilty for missing a party on my behalf. I'll just get home and go to sleep.'

'Bullcrap!' Maria approached as she heard our conversation while carrying a plastic cup of water. 'I'm at this party, because you are here. Otherwise, I'll be gone by now. Here, drink it and let's go home. We both saw enough drama in one night.'

'What do you mean?' Ryan was curious.

'I just went to get some water like you asked, then I witnessed a girl was crying her eyes out, because her boyfriend dumped her at the party, just few minutes ago. Men are scum.'

'I really want to argue with you about that, but they are not making this any easier.' Ryan responded as he felt defeated when it comes to argument about both genders and their traits. But he kept his posture and cleared his throat. 'Come on, the car is outside, let's go.' He had the mind of a mature father-like attitude when it comes to trying to comfort those who were in pain. Physically and mentally.

As we were sitting at the backseat, we first arrived at Maria's place to drop her off. We said goodbye and she went inside of her apartment.

'Matt, get in the front seat.' Ryan was waiting for him to move to the passenger's seat. A minute later, as he did, Matt kept staying quiet and staring through the window of his car door, even though the car was still not in motion.

'Matt, are you angry at me?'

'...its not you that I'm angry at,Ryan.'

'Then look at me when we talk.'

I looked at him nonchalantly, but stayed quiet. I know he meant well, but after I encountered my past, I was in no mood, no matter who my company was. If I had boxing gloves and punch that bag to blow out some steam, somehow, that could've been helpful.

'I also meant, are you angry at me that the person who hurted you in the past is my best friend?' Ryan looked at him as he tries to read him.

I kept looking at him quietly, looked away and I sighed.

'Its not my place to tell you who should you be friends with. I'm not angry at you for anything. However, I cannot tell the same thing about your best friend. And what does it matter to you what I think? You never noticed me, anyway.'

'...how exactly were you expecting me to notice you?' Ryan looked at him suspiciously. He might've know what Matt meant, but he wanted him to say it out loud.

'You know, like...' Matt was finally aware of himself about what he was doing, flustered a bit and stayed quiet.

'No, I do not know. Like what?'

'M..maybe I should go by foot, its not far anyway. Goodbye.' He tried to open the door to leave, but they wouldn't budge. The doors were manually locked by Ryan with a certain button.

'Matt..what did I told you about what you should do when you are talking to me?'

'Open the door or I will-'

'What? Hit me,shout,trying to be tricky to push the button to unlock the doors? Try me, I dare you.'

Matt was picking up his phone and dialing 911.

'Have it your way, I'll just call for-' In a flash, my phone was not in my hand, looked at Ryan and he was being smug as he shows that he had my phone.

'Give me back my phone, right now.'

'Not until you tell me.'

'Give it back, you idiot.' I was reaching out for my phone as he backed it away as he keep push me back, but I was resisting as I try to reach for it. He was laughing at my struggle,trying not to laugh back, but I was serious about wanting my cellphone back. My fingers were just inches close to get my phone, however, I also noticed that his face was inches close to mine and I realized that we both were feeling each others' breath. We both pulled back and looked away from each other, the tension was there. Without saying or doing anything, Ryan gently tossed the phone back to me, cleared his throat and drove me to my house.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: The Past**

Everybody has a past. I've heard a phrase that, because of our past, they made us what we are today. It makes me wonder, what would the future me would say about the present me, if they confronted each other? Or what would my past say to the present me? All I know is what I would say to the present me: Its worth it. Don't overthink it too much. - M.Y.

It was Sunday morning, felt the hot summer breeze assailing into my room, as if the room wasn't hot enough, it was like a holiday at a beach. I was not a big fan of the beach, nor the summer. Although, after what or should I say, whomever I've encountered, a weekend at the beach may be the least that could bother me. I was laying on my bed as I had only pair of trunks on me, alas, I couldn't able to sleep. I got up, took a quick shower and wore summer clothes on to feel fresh for the day, as I was on my way to the kitchen, I saw Maria was already there.

'..Do I wanna know how did you get into my house?'

'Picklocking or spare keys. Take your pick.'

'...You brought lemonade?'

'MADE lemonade. After we had so many lemonades at local cafes, I managed to get the basic ingredients and its sugarfree, your favourite.'

I sat down across from her at the table as we drink lemonade from our glasses. Lemonades are made sugarfree. Sour and fresh. That's how it taste better.

'You had a tough time of sleeping?' Maria could notice my bags as a sign of insomnia.

'I'm..confused and uneasy about last night. I mean, we've got invited to a birthday party, had a good time for awhile, and then, later I realized, it was Kyle's birthday. Ryan's best friend. The man I admire and the man I admired. What am I going to do?'

'You're keep moving forward, that's what. I know that you may encounter your ex again, but remember that, you are not the same guy you were at high school. You're strong, independent, caring person. Its his loss that he let you go. You cannot let his presence push your buttons about the past. Remember how the neighbourhood kids were calling us homophobic nicknames? They're not out there anymore.'

'That's because half of them are married, unemployed, uneducated and dead.'

'My point is, you can't avoid Kyle forever. Nor you should. I'm your friend and a friend tells the truth, no matter how bitter or bad it sounds. If you want to be in peace with yourself, you have to face Kyle..and talk. Tell him you love him, tell him you hate him, I don't care. But, do not ignore him. Otherwise, you may end up ignoring Ryan as well. Are you willing to ignore him,because of Kyle?'

'...No, I can't accept ignoring Ryan. He is...a good friend. I don't want to put Ryan in the middle of my feud with Kyle. I'll handle Kyle, but it won't be easy at all...whenever I see him, I get memory flashback during my high school years and its getting more painful than the last.'

'There you go. One day at a time, one problem at a time.'

'...There's another thing that got me confused about last night.'

'Matt, for the last time, I was not eavesdropping when I went to bring you a glass of water. I've just heard the last part as soon as I arrived.'

'No, not about that. Um...after Ryan drove you to your house, it was just me and Ryan at the front.'

'Ooh, details now!' Maria was excited about what happened next.

'We talked...he asked me was I angry at him about his friendship with Kyle. Of course, I was at first, although it was not his fault. He told me that he wasn't aware about our past with Kyle and I told him that I'm not angry at him nor blaming him. I was taking my anger on him about Kyle and that was unfair.'

'Well, that's good,right? You two still good friends and in time, you may find a way to look at Kyle from different angle, even though he doesn't deserve it that easily.' After that, she was drinking from her glass of lemonade.

'...Ryan and I almost kissed.' Maria spits out her drink in my face in surprise and covered her mouth. I closed my eyes as soon I felt a mouthful of lemonade splashed into my face and went to wash it over the sink.

'Get outta here! Are you serious?!'

'It wasn't intentional,Maria. He teased me by stealing my phone from my hand for not calling the cops on him, because he was suspicious of me about hiding something from him.'

'You mean the platonic crush that you have on him?'

I nodded as I sighed in defeat.

'He's smart and I'm sure he could tell when someone checks him out. Checked out by girls, of course. When it comes to men, he's all numb and uninterested.'

'Matt, let me ask you something. If this crush you have is platonic and you're not expecting him to return it..why don't you just tell him?'

'Because it may put him in awkward situation. What if he avoids me after knowing that I like him? What if he hates me?'

'I doubt he'd hate you. Yes, a gay man confessing his feelings to a straight man is a bit strange, but its not uncommon. Remember my friend Elena? I confessed my feelings to her and she rejected me politely. True, we haven't heard of each other for some time, ever since she got married and started her own family, but that doesn't mean there aren't other fishes in the sea. Believe me,Matt, you will feel a lot more better, when you get that off your chest. How Ryan will react, is up to him.'

Even though she was right about everything she said, I was still nervouss about how he would react if I told him. But the pain in my chest was hurting me so much for keeping it inside, so I had no other choice. I send Ryan a message through the Messenger to meet up at a neutral area.

The coast was the perfect neutral place for both of us. Or at least, I hoped it was. Without losing another minute, I grab onto my bike and drove to the coast that was about 15 minutes away from here. It seems I was the first one who arrived, I parked my bike near the bench I sat on, collecting my thoughts and trying to put them in order.

My eyes were gazing upon the sea, almost forgetting my surrounding, slowly realizing that a voice was echoing my name. 'Matt...Matt...Matt...Matt!' I tilted my head as I noticed that Ryan was sitting next to me.

'Ryan?...Hey...when did you get here?'

'About 5 minutes ago and you were staring at the sea, like you were in trance. You okay?'

'I was just collecting my thoughts.'

'About what? Kyle?'

'A little bit about Kyle, yes. But that's something I'll handle by myself. He's my past...I can't run away from it...but we do need to talk. One day.'

'I understand. Its not my place to be in the middle between you two. I meant to talk to Kyle, hoping he can explain to me about what happened with you two...however, he didn't wished to do anything but locking himself in his room.'

'...I want to not feel sorry for him...at all...however, even he shouldn't lock himself in his room.'

Both of us were silent for awhile, the tension was growing.

'Ryan...there is also one more thing that I wanted to talk about.'

'I'm listening.' Ryan kept on watching the sea as he sat next to Matt and listening to him carefully.

'...I like you,Ryan.'

Within Ryan's mind, he frozed and surprised, although, he doesn't show it as he kept staring at the sea and kept listening to Matt.

'...I've been feeling like this since the first time we met during that course. But I couldn't tell you this back then, because...well, you were not like me...and you could've feel uncomfortable about it. Maria explained to me that, the longer I kept it for myself...the bigger the pain would be...and she wasn't wrong.'

'So you are telling me this now...because you wanted to unburden yourself?'

'I want to drop the weight off my chest. Every time, when I tried to find the courage to confess..the moments were always bad. If it wasn't for a little push from Maria...I still would be wondering how long I could've hide this.'

'...were you expecting from me to have the same feelings toward you?'

'...Honestly,...I hoped at least a little bit. ...But I also wanted to catch up with reality, knowing that if no other guy managed to be with you...then I'm no better either. And also, I admit...we are totally opposite. You are outgoing,party-goer, lady's man...and very popular. Me...I'm just a common guy...I'm not lady's man, I don't go out much..nor popular. The only thing I'm good at..is being a good person.'

Ryan was not saying anything. He was lost for words.

'Please do not overthink this. What I feel toward you is no game, fake or a joke. Is it because you were the first guy that allowed me to be friends ever since I finished high school, I don't know. Was it because you were the first guy that noticed me as a human being? Possibly. Or is it possible that I have trouble finding myself a date and decided to try it with you? I don't know that either. However, one thing for sure, what I feel toward you is pure...and yet something impossible.'

'...Matt, do you really think I'm that narrow-minded?'

'...No..but you were the one who said that same-sex couples were making you feel uncomfortable.'

'That was the old me, when I was not still in my 20s. Now I'm 26, who broke up with a self-centered girl, have a best friend who is gay, which coincidentally,is your ex. And to put the icing on top of the cake, you just confess your feelings about how you feel about me. And yet,no, I'm not a hater,Matt.'

'I'm sorry...'

'Matt, I'm not feeling uncomfortable about how you feel toward me. And trust me, there were times where I thought I liked guys too. But back to the point, how can you love someone that you never spend enough quality time together?'

'...I didn't used the 'love' word. And...you...never invited me to any of the events you had with your friends. I always end up getting notifications about where were you, what were you doing and who were you with..'

'Stalker much?' Ryan chuckled as he teased him.

'Its not really stalking, if you are the one who post details on your own profile.'

It was getting late.

'I should go. Its late and the streets are not safe at night. Thank you for...letting me unload this weight off my chest. You are a good friend.'

I hopped into my bike and drove my way home, without looking back. Unknown to me, Ryan was still sitting at the bench, staring at the sea,thinking.

'...Am i crazy...or was he adorable when he confessed to me like that?'


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: The Inexperience**

It felt like it was just yesterday, when I confessed to Ryan about how I felt about him. And somehow, I felt relieved and happy. Like a summer breeze hitting me and feeling fresh. I invited Maria to get some cold lemonade at the nearest coffee shop. We got our drinks and she looked at me patiently, waiting for me to break up the silence.

'All right, Matt. We've been here for 5 minutes, I didn't annoyed you with questions on our way here and now, I think we should start talking...or would you rather practice to read each others' mind?'

'Fine,fine.' I cleared my throat and taking a deep breath. 'I confessed to Ryan about how I felt about him.'

'OH MY GOD!' She was surprised and excited in a same time, she wasn't aware that we were in a public place. Most of the customers, including the staff, were looking at our direction in confusion. As she realized she wasn't alone, she cleared her throat and trying to save herself from the embarrassing situation. 'Oh my God! These lemonades are the best I had in my entire life!' As she smiled shyly, everyone returned to their business and she sat down quietly. 'Tell me everything.'

'Well, there isn't much to tell. Its pretty much how you can guess.'

'Surprised?'

'He was,yeah, but not something he couldn't handle.'

'And now what? Are you two a thing now?'

'Oh no,no,no. We're just friends...at least I hope we still are.'

'Why?'

'He was a bit mysterious, when I tried to see his reaction, after I told him, that I like him. I don't know how he felt from inside, but from outside, he was solid like a rock. Like staring at a painting and trying to find thousand words for it.'

'At least you're feeling better about it now, after its now out in the open. So, how are you two after that?'

'Frankly..I don't know. Its been a week, since that day. I haven't heard of him after that. My guess is he's keeping himself busy by not thinking about it. I can't blame him though, its not like I was expecting anything else...'

'You sound like you wanted him to return the feeling toward you.'

'..I guess,yeah. But that shouldn't get me down. If he doesn't feel the same way, then it wasn't meant to be.'

As we were at the coffee shop, meanwhile, Ryan and Kyle were talking about it as well...while playing at a billard table.

'Matt actually said that he likes you? More than a friend?'

'That's what I've heard. Either that or I witnessed a girl, telling me she likes me, while wearing Matt's clothes.' Hits a stripped ball and went down the gutter. Checking for the next ball to strike.

'So...what are you going to do?'

'What is there to do,Kyle? I'm not going to lie to you, I felt a bit flattered about it, but I've never had experience like that with a guy before and I wouldn't have some now either.' Hits another stripped ball down the gutter. 'And what would the others think about me? My exes?'

'What different does it make what would they say or not? This is your life, not theirs.'

'Exactly. Kyle, Matt is a shy,funny, colorful guy...but we have nothing in common, except we're both guys.'

'And you're outgoing, broody, bad-boy wannabe with a leather jacket. If anything, I think Matt can do better than you.' Kyle laughed to cheer him up as he waits for his turn. 'I honestly cannot understand what does he sees in you.'

'..Are you trying to comfort me or making fun of me?' Kyle looked at him as he was feeling a bit annoyed.

'Honestly, a little bit of both. Ryan, its not my place to tell you what you should do, but even if you had the slightest attraction toward him ,even for a second, that's not a bad feeling. Its just a feeling. Whether you like it or not, its up to you.'

'This is so messed up. I don't know how to react near him anymore.'

'Answer me this: Why are you friends with me?'

'..Well,you are decent, adventurous, we have each other's back and I can talk to you about my problems freely.'

'Even after you learned I was gay?'

'Even then. But I didn't noticed that you were gay. Until at that house party 2 years ago, while I was looking for you to go home, I noticed you making out with a dude at the backyard.'

'Fun fact: That dude is straight. He was single and he was just curious what was it like kissing another guy.'

'...Well?'

'He told me that, it was okay, but its not the same as kissing a girl. I guess everybody has their own taste.'

Ryan missed the next ball and lost his turn to Kyle. 'Damn it. I missed.'

'You're missing too many things when you being plain straight.' Kyle laughed as he takes his turn and looking for a solid ball to strike down. 'Ryan, if you are so open-minded and supportive, you should know that same-sex couples are same as normal ones. With few physical changes aside, everything else is the same.'

'And what would you say when it comes to sex?'

'Me,personally or in general?'

'...don't joke.'

'Ryan, as much as tempting it is, to tease you about that, I'm sure you were in that position more time than I'd care to count. You finished your biology class with A+, you know about the human body more than anyone.' Kyle strikes 2 solid balls to their respected gutters at the same time. 'And why do you care about when it comes to sex? I thought you said you would never do it with another man.'

'I really don't know what I'm thinking anymore. I feel like I'm...almost considering it. Am I really doing this, because of his confession or is it,because I'm curious?'

'I think you're more afraid that your friends will see you strangely as you try dating a man. Ryan, its up to you,really. Why don't you sleep on it and I'm sure you can make the right decision.' Kyle strikes another 2 solid balls into the gutter. 'Just the black ball to go.' He smirked as he tries to find the right angle.

'Kyle, forget about what I'm about to ask you, but have you ever had a thing for me, ever since we met?' Ryan looked at him with curiosity.

'..If that's how you're trying to distract me from scoring the last ball, its not helping your case. And to answer your question, no, I did not. You're way too high-maintenance.'

'I'm not high-maintenance!'

'Oh come on,Ryan. We've been talking about, should a straight man date a gay man, out of curiosity. You're worried about what others would think about you, and on top of that, so far, you only dated girls, because of their physical appearance, not by looking at their brains.'

'Hey, my ex-girlfriend, Alicia was smart.'

'Wearing glasses and looking at you seductively by saying 'molecules' is not 'being smart', its 'looking smart'.' Kyle strikes the last ball and wins. 'I won. You owe me a beer.'

'Can I use your head as a can opener?' Ryan joked.

'...I honestly don't know what Matt sees in you.' They laughed as they went to the bar to get a drink together.

Matt and Maria went home. Maria was trying to set him up with Ryan, however, Matt was having doubts about it, even though he wanted to.

'No, Maria, I can't do it.'

'Can't or won't?'

'Don't twist my words against me. What do you think its going to happen? That he would ring on my door, feeling nervous inside, but confident from outside and asking me 'Matt,would you like to us to be an item?' This is Ryan we're talking about here.'

'Matt, its not up to you to 'guess' or 'predict' how it would turn out. The important thing is taking a chance.'

'An impossible chance. Matt Damon and Channing Tatum has a better chance to be together.'

'Okay then. But answer me this: Let's say you're right, he would date girls only, but how would you react, if he at least try to date a gay man, but that gay man is not you?'

'W-well..I...I would be hapy for them.'

'...you're lying. You always lie when you hesitate or lose your words.'

'...Maria, you know what happened to me during high school...I'm afraid to get hurt like that again. If not, worse.'

'Fine, be that way, but here's my last word and we are wrapping up all this: Don't let your past control your present and future. If you take a chance, sometimes good things happens, sometimes bad things happens. But if you don't a chance, nothing happens.'

Maria was right. Even though it seems impossible, if I don't take a chance, nothing happens. Just drawing up so many random scenes in my mind, that ends up painful to me. I sent her back home as it was getting late, after that, I was getting ready to go to sleep to rest. Tomorrow I had work to go to. As I wore my blue- coloured cotton pajamas, there was a ring on my door. I'm guessing it was Maria, forgetting something of hers. As I opened the door, I noticed it was Ryan. He looked serious and his eyes were looking at me piercingly.

'Ryan? What are you doing here so late?'

'I wanted to ask you something. I have doubts that something might become of us like this...but would you like to help me...by becoming more experienced about this?'

'..I don't understand. You mean...a test-dummy of being your boyfriend?'

'Something like that, yeah. Like I said before, I cannot promise you anything intimate, but I would like to practice, to understand it.'

'...are you okay with that?'

'I will be as long as you are.'

'S...sure, that sounds..good.'


End file.
